GAAAH!

uggh, so much to tell- but, NO TIME TO TELL! Uggh! You must wait kiddies, be patient, I have a French Test, a French Assignment, a Music assignment and a Geography project to work on! There's never enough time! Sorry Chickadee's, I feel horrible for bailing!

Help!, I'm alive.

I'm horrible. I'm horribly horrible. I'm a failure at life. I'm a dunce. I'm an idiot. I'm a immoral being. I don't know what got into me, or why. I don't know why I would EVER even consider doing something like that. Sure, at the time, I felt like I had no choice, it was staring me in the face, but I took it, I don't know why I didn't think at that moment, why I didn't analyze the issue. It's just one of those moments that you wish you could take back. One of those stupid, idiotic mistakes that lead to another. I hate how life's like that sometimes. It was just, I felt free I guess, like I was breaking the rules. It wasn't that great. I was shaky, klutzy, I kept stuttering, my words were all bunched. I was hungry, thirsty, my throat burned for more liquid. My eyes swelled a bit, my throat itched. I tasted it in my mouth. I felt the gum cleanse me. I felt ugly, stupid, immoral, bad. I didn't like it. I felt happy, free, so overjoyed. I kept smiling, I was happy. Then it hit me, my gut telling me, I made a poor choice, I not only disappointed myself, but others too. I tried to hide it, but I guessed it kinda slid through. I'm horrible. I'm horribly horrible.

After that mishap, I went to Concert Band practice for like the first time since first semester. Then GS* drove me to Erin Mills while we ate KFC toonie Tuesday meals. Erin Mills was another immoral decision. I'm horrible. I'm horribly horrible.

Explaining my life through music;
http://theretrospective.tumblr.com/
seriously children, take a peek, it's harmless ;)

kiddies,

I've been down these days, my apologies. What's the point in saying sorry though? I don't know. I'm confused. The world is confusing. I don't know. I've been taking up painting lately, as a new hobby. Well, today, there was a minor blackout. I had first period in the caf. It was fun I guess. Last week it was a bomb threat, this week, blackout. It was like prison though, we weren't allowed to go anywhere but the caf. The washrooms weren't functioning, and I really had to pee. I'm wathching family channel, it's the 'don't forget' video by Demi Lovato, she looks kinda mexican in it, I don't know. She's cute though. I'm so boring these days! I'll inform you when it's safe to stalk my blog again, so it's actually not tiresome, and you don't fall asleep on your keyboards. Have fun kids; "You've only got one life to live-so live it.". Children, children, children, wish me luck in thie thing called life.

Check out the funnest thing about me these days;
http://theretrospective.tumblr.com/
http://twitter.com/jessicaeff

hey children,

I've been absent for a while. My apologies. I've been busy, I've been away from computers and such technology that would wnable me to update my blog, facebook, twitter and such. Once again, my apologies. Well, on Friday, I went on the Scott Mission retreat. One word; AMAZING. I loved it. I worked in the Daycare with the toddlers. They're adorable, especially this one little polish boy, he was absolutely adorable! And this little asian boy, he woul copy my faces that I'd make. Basically, they were like my children and my favorite children there... The workers were Philippino, that's pretty much why they asked me to work with them, they grilled me about my life-and my parents'. The like lead lady said I was great with kids, I'm glad I am, since I don't have much experience.

Today, I went to a birthday party. It was like old memories; bouncy castle/moonbounce, popcorn making machine, cotton candy machine and a homemade jonas brother cake. Yeah, it was odd. I was the only non-white person that attended, and was invited. It was especially weird because even though I knew about 4 people there, they all knew each other, so that was kinda horrid. I guess I enjoyed myself though...

I'd also like to make my own decissions sometimes too. I'd like to be the one who gets to be in charge of my future-with help of course. I'd like to have a say in what I want to do, or go. I overanalyze things too much. Bye chickadee's! As of next time!

PS. I've gotten so lazy to edit my posts, sorry for spelling errors and for the bluntness, I know it's bland, I'm too lazy to paste codes and such for italics/bolds/etc.

another one of those days.

Hey chickadee's! Today started off worrisome and horrid. I'm supposed to be babysitting a kid, but he just sorta dissappeared on me... His mom's downstairs anyway. Lots of events today; Midterm reports, Geography test, French quiz, Math test. I am a fail to asian people everywhere. Honestly, I think I'm not even asian. Oh well, I am white with a yellowish-pink tint though... Hahaha, kiddies, he came back, that kid I'm taking care of, he's watching me type... :)

So, today, I felt like crying, just letting out all that frustration, but I didn't- well, not alot. I kinda teared up, but still, I tried okay. It was difficult, I was frustrated, angry and worried. Midterms were just... uggh. I'm not doing so well, but I'm trying harder I guess. At least I have a break tomorrow! I have Scotts Mission in Toronto! YAY! Plus, it's supposed to be 25 degrees tomorrow, double yay!

Today, I was supposed to try "it". I know, I'm horrible. but trust me, I probably would've just sat on the grass and watched and not do "it". Goodness kiddies, I've gotta stay pure! Children, we postponed until we get some... Gaah, that's tomorrow apparently, but since I'm not there and all ;). It's a sign, I tell you, a sign! Okay, well, I'll still be "goody two shoes" for now. As of now, this kid just dissappeared again, great, I have to look for him... As of next time! See you later chicka-chicka-chickadee's!

Life isn't no fairytale, and there aren't going to be any happy endings.

Sorry kids. Sometimes, the truth hurts. Seriously, I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of all the nonsense, the lies, the falseness, the truth. I don't know anymore. Sure, maybe I'm just "overreacting" but really? Who do you think I am? I'm not some carpet that you can walk over, ignore and step on. I know, it's so cliche, but what am I supposed to do? Because I don't have a clue. It seems as if lately, I haven't had a genuine "happy" smile, as if it's just a smile, but not out of happiness. Maybe I am just over analyzing as always, my mother says I tend to do that a lot. I'm just completely lost in life and I don't have a map. In other words; I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going, but I need help, and I don't have that help. Guys, maybe I should've just became a hermit... I'm already unknown. It's funny how just last year, you went to the same school as someone, and you were kinda friends, and now you see them, and it's as if you don't exist. I STILL LIVE IN MILTON, sure, it's not exactly what I like, but I do, if I had it my way, I'd be living in LA or in New York with my Aunt like she'd like, but I'm in Milton. It's not like I just vanished, I just don't go to the same school anymore, but really, I'm still here. This is pathetic, I'm pathetic, Life is a journey that NOBODY wants to take.

Sorry chickadees, I really am.

Switch the tracks.

It's raining... again.
Sigh, as much as I love the rain, my sister and I were supposed to go on a walk to this tres belle pond. It's beautiful. Oh well, movies later-hopefully. Anyways, happy earth week kiddies!


Summer, come soon please! :)

OH WAIT, today, some girl says a bomb was gonna go off! We had to all evacuate the building before 1:23, the assumed time of the bomb. It was actually really scary, but it was stupid too. I missed like my whole math class due to a ninner and her suspicions. Still, it was a nice day out, until it rained. TJ ISLAME, I'm so getting you tomorrow!

CHICKADEE'S ! ,

It's CRA-ZY outside! It's super windy and the rain isn't making it any better. Still, no doubt that it's beautiful. Rainy days always make most people so glum, it's one of their effects. Sure, I feel glum at times too, being trapped in my house, but theres nothing that makes me feel happy like a rainy day does! I love watching the rain fall, looking where it comes from, seeing the puddles form, and watching the trees sway in the breeze. Although, thunder storms are another thing, those are crazy.

PS. HAPPY 420!

Sing for meeee,

My family has it's own new short reality series, we're calling it "FOBulous", featuring the Fermo's. Har har har, no, it's not on TV(It's too good for that!), it'll be on youtube I belive. Just wait for my videos to upload, muahaha. Anyways, my sister is an illiterate idiot who doesn't understand the meaning of someone yelling at you to wash the clothes by stuffing them into the washer. Seriously, I just ended up doing it.

Sunday Sunday Sunday, The "Sabbath" Day. "Rest" day. "Church" Day. My mother decides to drive around milton. We drive to the escarpment part, golly, it's BEAUTIFUL. No lie, it's absolutely stunning, especially when the sun is setting! My father decides he wants to drive into "Rattlesnake Point", it's this campsite place. We drive in and my dad wants to go camping there now, even though we live like 10 minutes away... Oh well, it was an adventure. After that 1 hour drive, in which my mother wanted to buy a house overlooking the view of Milton(It was GORGEOUS), we went to A&P sorry, METRO, to buy ice cream. We bought TWO cartons, our whole family finished ONE. What fat kids we are...

Living the FOBulous life,
yours truly ;)

Great things happen in the blink of an eye,

YOU GET THE BESSTT OF BOTH WORLDS!
I love Hannah Montana, I'm actually dying of laughter right now. It's that episode about Willis. God, I love it! Oliver has grown! He's actually decent..... Oh shush, you think so too!

This is probably the shortest blog entry EVER. But I have to eat. Yes, that's improper grammer. UGGH, my parents are calling .

Bye (for now) chickadees!

a piece of yellow paper with green lines.

I must have been hiding under a rock these past few days, I haven't really "gone" on the computer lately. Just gotten the chance to update my twitter here and there, so I apologize.

I finished reading a book, it's called "The Perks of Being a Wildflower" it's AMAZING, then again, like the character, Charlie, I think every book I read is amazing- with the exception of some. Anyways, you should read it, it's real good.

My life is boring right now, I'm just such a bore these days. I don't have much to say, but if I did, you know I'd say it ;).

My permanent retainers came off, so I went to the dentist to get them back on, it's self explanatory. I left school at fourth, then my father decides I should go back at the END of fourth, legit, the class was over. I went back, and it was evening prayers- signifying, school was OVER. Sometimes life can be so cruel, let's live to make the best of it anyway.

I'm not supposed to be on the computer, but I am, so I'm trying to rush this entry. Again, my apologies. I have tons of work to do, but I'm not going to waste time even trying to do any of it.

I REALLY REALLY want the new keds, they're ADORABLE! And I want those geometric print sunglasses from F21. Take me shopping, downtown would be nice, better yet, the states. Yes, take me away!

summer lovin'

I'm watching the notebook for the first time.
I feel so noob, I don't really understand the hype on this movie though... I mean, it's cute but I don't know.
Crap, this part is sad. Okay, this is like the whole twilight thing, oh goodness.
I guess I'm enjoying it.
LAWLS, my sister's annoying me.

Gaah, I'm so bored.
I'm probably boring you.
It's monday, and I have no school.
I should be happy right, but meeh.

MOVIE MARATHON!
:)

You can't change your life, you can't change a person.

Although sometimes I wish you could. Happy Easter kiddies, but seriously, don't forget that easter is the time when Jesus died on the cross for us. Why are we eating chocolates and having the easter bunny visit us and painting eggs when Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sins. Sometimes, it just gets so pathetic. It's a HOLY week, sure it's a break, but Jesus died for Me, for US, why don't we just take time to reflect on that instead of waiting for our parents to come home with chocolate bunnies?

Well, I haven't been posting in a while! Sorry, I've been focused on other things. Sorry guys. I'm apologizing for useless things, goodness, I should only apologize if I truly mean it, I'm going to try that. Also, I want to live by that quote "you're not going to solve anything with screaming", I'm going to see how that works too. This week has been one of those blaah, FML weeks, so, I've just been so.... blaah. UGGH! I HAVE to wake up super early tomorrow, what else is new.

Goodnight and Goodbye, I'll be back soon.

UGHHHH !

I have a geography test tomorrow, but I seemed to have forgotten my geo textbook at school so I can't do the review which we have to hand in for test marks!
I have a French Project due tomorrow that I completed last minute, BUT now my recording won't upload!!!! ADGAILSGUIAGSDKAJSGUIGWKGAS, IT'S NOT WORKING! FMLFMLFML, PLEASE NO LIVE PRESENTATIONS PLEASE!
I have math homework that I have to hand in, but I have no clue what I'm doing....
Music, music, music, the only class in which I have nothing, but now I'm worrying about the spring concert in TWO months !
This is so frustrating.....
Oh well, only 3 more days, I LOVE long weekends !
Well, I'm still young, might as well live life, I don't want no early creases or wrinkles on my face yet!

It's snowing outside.... and I'm eating my absolute FAVORITE ice cream-other than Ben and Jerry's Banana Split- MAPLE WALNUT! Yum.

Time flies.

I'm tired. I haven't blogged in a while, so let's go!
I made a new journal, yes, I'm just THAT cool.
I'd like to rephrase a couple of my old posts, EVERYONE is different, some just choose to blend in with the crowd more. I'm tired ! Goodness, it's only 10:30 PM! Wow guys, I'm out of it, oh goodness me, I should rest my little head and get off this electronic device and do some homework instead. Speaking of homework, I've got a French project due tuesday, and I haven't even started! Gaah, I'm such a slack! My journal is reaaal cool, even though I JUST made it, it still is. Well, I'm almost asleep and I still have to take a shower...

Once again, goodnight and goodbye!
Ps. Purple eyeliner is actually really cool, and I don't even wear makeup....
Pps. As I mentioned on my twitter, I'm in DIRE NEED of new clothes-and sunglasses, I have a SUNGLASS fettish, why would it be shoes?! What have I become?! *gulp* a... girl?!
HAHA, I seriously Love this...

Groan, it's school tomorrow.... At least it's holy week, meaning, no school friday and no rehersals or tests !

I heard someone crying,

Tonight I watched the sort of music "the Secret Garden- in concert". There was a false fire alarm and we had to evacuate the building for a moment, we got back in and they restarted the production, not that it really mattered, we weren't that far in yet. My sister was part of the ensemble so we watched her. My parents pretty much broke EVERY theater rule there is. They took pictures, left their cellphones on loud which rung during the performance, they talked loudly, they sang along to the songs during the performance, they utterly embarrassed me. Well, that's kind of a parent's job though, to embarrass you, so I guess I don't really mind.

We had to wait at Tim Hortons because my sister had some cast dinner or something at 12... I was so tired and bored that I fell asleep on the table after sipping on my ice cap. I'm pretty sure the people inside were staring at me. Oh goodness, I just got home, it's like 1:20 and I'm pretty tired. I had some cultural performance today, so I got to leave school early, I'm pretty sure no one really noticed though... I'm almost falling asleep as I type, my eyes are shutting as I type this, I'm missing half the keys and I keep backspacing. I still have to shower, and pee... My sister's in the toilet at the moment though. And if you think saying I need to pee is weird, I'm weird, adn everyone pees, it's natural, so take it in!

Goodnight and goodbye!
Yes, I did just quote ANOTHER Jonas song.

A little bit longer, and I'll be fine,

Well, yes, I did just quote a Jonas brother song.
For two reasons; I got my Jonas ticket's in today, and I'm still waiting 'a little bit longer' to be fine.

I don't know why, but at the moment, I can't help but feel worried and insecure about the Jonas concert. I mean, sure, I guess I like them, but I don't know. It's hard when you make yourself sound like a fool all the time at school(yes, that did rhyme). Maybe I'm just tired of being that weird oddball that people can't stand or love to hate. I'm sorry I'm different, it's not like I can just tell myself to follow people. I'm not a follower, I'm where and what I am because of mistakes. Countless mistakes, everyone make's them. I'm not perfect, no one is. I don't want to copy anyone, I don't want to be in situations where people feel like I have, I'm not trying though, really, I'm not trying to be like anyone. I don't want to be a 2 faced, lying, back stabbing, in lack of a better word, bizznatch. I'm really sorry that I'm letting people down, it's not my intentions. If you feel like I'm a duplicate of you, seriously, get a life, stop thinking of yourself as some high and mighty person. I can't be the sweet, nice girl who rarely says no, I'm sick of it. I know you're sick of me. I won't care if you just go, just go live your life, be happy. I don't want to hold you back. Maybe I'm just being stupid, maybe I'm just tired of it all, maybe I just need time, or maybe I need to be alone too. You don't deserve me as a friend, and I don't deserve you.

I hate stupid rants like that, I seriously don't know why I do them though, probably because you're the only one who'll listen to me and take me seriously. Just because I'm that sarcastic, cute, funny hilarious girl doesn't mean that I have another side of me, that serious and 'emotional' side. Well, moving on to some positive notes, today was the literacy test stimulation day, where all the little niners, including myself, got the pleasure of writing a practice test of the literacy test. Seriously, it was pretty lame. I'm not complaining though, I practically had a free day. It was just the ninners and the grade 10's, and no way was I going to be eating in the cafeteria with a boat load of little niners, nuh uh. So, I ended up going to Pizza Pizza. Obviously, I didn't pay, as usual, I'm flat broke.

Today also happened to be my first day of tutoring. My tutor is one of my sister's friends, he's like the opposite of her, seriously, they could be twins seperated at birth. I went on a walk with my mother, oh goodness, she was dancing and prancing all the way home(I think that's like a quote from a song, but I'm not sure...). I had strawberry flavored ice cream, nothing really compares to my newfound best friends Ben And Jerry though...

I'm reusing my tags, get used to it :)
Oh! and I've got music recommendations, but not here, not now, go to my tumblr account!
Jam with Jessica; http://jamwithjessica.tumblr.com/

Goodnight and goodbye!

Let's get crazy !

Haha, quoting Hannah Montana there kidos ! Well, today was very... adventurous. I took the missisauga transit for the FIRST time! I'm so noob at it, it's crazy. It was fun, but really, who knew it takes a LONG TIME to get to your destination, no one seemed to have informed me ?! It's okay, because I love Jessica A, and Gloria. They're like life. LAWLS, I love the random pork in her basement that's hung on hooks, really, it's like a european grocery store!

We walked to "fortune dragon" because Jessica insisted that we do. Then, Gloria decides she wants a slushie at the gas station. We go to that sunco gas station place-they don't have any slushies, we buy popsicles instead. We're on our way, walking home, Gloria wants to go to the OTHER gas station, we buy a slushie like fatkids :)

Then, since I'm a surburbian 'chick' I don't know where I'm going, neither does Gloria, Jessica just walks everywhere....

Who knew TODAY was APRIL FOOLS?! I didn't, goodness, should I remember these dates? I think not. Holy week, that's next week, I should remember that I guess. Well, I'm off to bed, godnight guys!